You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
