laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hippo gnu deer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
