So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
