We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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