It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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