Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
