I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
