I feel great
I just peed on a car
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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