No awkward lesbian experiences without me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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