just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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