is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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