Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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