So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
