My hand turned me down
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
