she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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