my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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