Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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