Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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