Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
