Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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