So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
