i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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