i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
