also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
