If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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