This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
