he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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