Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
