I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize