So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
