Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
