Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
