I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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