Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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