I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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