So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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