For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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