He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
