Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
