dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
