i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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