You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
