I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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