4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
