i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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