Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
If I die, sorry about rent.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
