i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
