So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sex in a hospital.. check
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
