if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
