It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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