Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we're making bets on your personal life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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