is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
