I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
