I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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