i don't like sucking hair
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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