I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
