No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
