my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
