we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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