but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
