Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
