Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
