Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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