Those balls look pretty dangerous.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Oh god it's open bar.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
