He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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