I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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