I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
