You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
