so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
