I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
