i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
